Capt.Spaulding's Adventures in Africa
written by Bert Kalmar, George S. Kaufman, Harry Ruby, & Morrie Ryskind
Captain Spaulding: Friends, I'm going to to tell you of the great mysterious
wonderful continent known as Africa. Africa, God's country. And he can have
it...Well, sir, we left New York drunk and early on the morning of February
second. After fifteen days on the water and six on the boat we finally
arrived on the shores of Africa.
We at once proceded 300 miles into the heart of the jungle where I shot a
polar bear. This bear was 6 foot 7 in his stocking feet and had shoes on.
This bear was anemic and couldn't stand the cold climate. He was a rich bear
and could afford to go away in the winter. From the day of our arrival we
led an active life. The first morning saw us up at six, breakfasted, then
back in bed at seven. This was our routine for the first three months. We
finally got so we were back in bed at six-thirty.
One morning I was sitting in front of the cabin smoking some meat There
wasn't a cigar store in the neighborhood. As I say, I was sitting in front
of the cabin when I bagged six tigers. I bagged them, I bagged them to go
away, but they hung around all afternoon. They were the most persistant
tigers I've ever seen. The principal animals inhabiting the African jungle
are moose, elk and Knights of Pythias.
Of course you all know what a moose is, that's big game. The first day I
shot two bucks that was the biggest game we had. As I say you all know what
a moose is? A moose runs around on the floor, and eats cheese and is chased
by the cats. The elks on the other hand live up in the hills, and in the
spring they come down for their annual convention. It is very interesting to
watch them come down to the water-hole; and you should see them run when
they find it is only water-hole. What they're looking for is a elk-a-hole.
One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas, I'll
never know. But that is entirely irrevent to what I was talking about. We
took some pictures of the native girls, but they weren't developed.But
we're going back again in a couple of weeks...
